Most parents—whether they’ve been impacted by addiction or not—struggle to talk to their children about sex. The infamous “birds and bees” talk is the source of endless jokes and secret discomfort for parents who fear they haven’t done enough to educate their children about their bodies or human sexuality. So when addicts and their partners want to… Continue Reading…
5 Things Addicts Should (& Shouldn’t) Say to Partners
Working with partners and sex addicts over the past 11 years, I’ve been told, and witnessed, many examples of successful—and less than successful—dialogues between addicts and partners. Successful couples’ conversations usually have the following characteristics: Listening with curiosity and openness Minimal defensiveness Willingness to attempt to understand the other person’s perspective (also known as empathy) The ability to admit being wrong… Continue Reading…
Will I Ever Trust Again?
I hear this question from almost every partner or survivor of infidelity that I see in my office. The simple answer is “yes.” You will trust again. However, you will likely never trust again the way you did pre-discovery, and that is not necessarily a bad thing. The difference between pre-discovery and post-discovery trust is… Continue Reading…
Creating Your Haven of Safety
One of the most basic human needs is the need for safety. Whether you’re conscious of it or not, you are continually scanning people, places, and situations to determine your relative level of safety. As a partner of a sex addict, you may feel that there is no safe place to turn. Much of what you assumed to… Continue Reading…
Basics of First-Year Sex Addiction Recovery
It’s important for partners to have a basic understanding of the recovery process. I sometimes find that without this information partners tend to expect or ask either too little or too much from the sex addict. As I discussed in my post what sets sex addiction apart, sex addiction recovery is different than most other addictions where abstaining from… Continue Reading…