![Negotiating Non-Negotiables [for Addicts]](https://i2.wp.com/vickitidwellpalmer.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/08/negotiate-non-negotiable.png?fit=300%2C300&ssl=1)
Boundaries—the foundation of safety and protection—are vital to anyone who has survived betrayal trauma. And the most powerful boundaries are those that are non-negotiable. Non-negotiable boundaries are: Something you must have or something you can’t tolerate in order to stay in a relationship. Non-negotiable boundaries are relationship deal-breakers. Survivors of betrayal trauma are eager to establish… Continue Reading…
Should You Contact a Former Affair Partner?
Occasionally, a sex addict or their partner asks, “Should I contact a former affair partner?” Reasons for wanting to contact a former affair partner include: Wanting to establish a boundary that you (addict) don’t want further contact—provided you haven’t already made this clear to the affair partner. Making a request of some kind, such as asking that the affair… Continue Reading…
Release Resentment in 5 Steps
As a betrayed partner, there is no way to avoid the very human feeling of resentment. The dictionary definition of resentment is: “bitter indignation at having been treated unfairly” It is certainly unfair to be the victim of chronic sexual betrayal through no fault of your own. The definition of resentment I prefer is “victim anger“—a… Continue Reading…
5 Essentials for Healing
A few days ago, a partner in my Moving Beyond Betrayal Partner’s Boundaries Course asked me what are the most important things betrayed partners need to do to heal? What a great question. While it’s impossible to give a simple, cookie-cutter, one-size-fits-all answer, there are very specific actions partners can take, tools they can learn,… Continue Reading…
5 Practices of Highly Accountable People
Let’s face it we’re all fallible. Sooner or later, we’re going to let someone down, fail to follow through, say one thing and do another, or just not show up. And that being the case, there’s one skill we all need when we’re simply human—and that’s accountability. Accountability is: the quality or state of being accountable; especially: … Continue Reading…
Verify . . . for Trust
In my book, Moving Beyond Betrayal: The 5-Step Boundary Solution for Partners of Sex Addicts, I talk about the “honesty problem” in early recovery for sex addicts (to read an excerpt from this section of the book visit my blog article here). Because deception and lying go hand-in-hand with all addictions—not just sex addiction—addicts must literally learn how… Continue Reading…
“Slips” & Intimacy + 4 Tips for Addicts
One of my favorite definitions of intimacy comes from the work of Pia Mellody. Pia defines intimacy as: The experience of knowing—and being known by—another person. We can know another person in many ways—intellectually, emotionally, physically, sexually, and spiritually. And intimacy can be experienced on each of these levels. Our boundaries determine how close we… Continue Reading…