If your spouse has been chronically unfaithful, and you’ve disclosed it to family or friends, you’ve probably been asked this question. You likely had one of two internal responses: shame or shame + confusion. Shame because the question implies that there must be something wrong with YOU. The person posing the question may think that if… Continue Reading…
5 Things Addicts Should (& Shouldn’t) Say to Partners
Working with partners and sex addicts over the past 9 years, I’ve been told, and witnessed, many examples of successful—and less than successful—dialogues between addicts and partners. Successful couples’ conversations usually have the following characteristics: Listening with curiosity and openness Minimal defensiveness Willingness to attempt to understand the other person’s perspective (also known as empathy) The ability to admit being wrong… Continue Reading…
Change Happens
If you find yourself despairing—wondering if things will ever change, here’s a story of transformation . . . and hope. The photo to the left tells a beautiful tale that’s not apparent without the backstory. This unassuming building is a new restaurant—The Pit Room Handcrafted Barbecue—still under construction directly across the street from my office building… Continue Reading…
Beginning Anew & Rebuilding Trust
With just 3 days left in 2015, it’s the perfect time to think about new beginnings. When your life has been shattered by the discovery of betrayal and infidelity, it’s easy to lose hope or think that you will always feel the way you do now. The good news is that this difficult time is just… Continue Reading…
Getting Your Needs Met
In my post owning your reality I talked about the step-by-step process of identifying and owning your reality. Your reality at any given moment is what you’re experiencing with your senses (including your own behaviors), what you think about what you’ve experienced, and the emotions you’re feeling. Why is this important? When a situation or relationship… Continue Reading…
Owning Your Reality
If you’ve been in a relationship with an addict for any length of time, your trust in your own reality is likely damaged. Why? Addiction is shrouded in isolation and secrecy. Addiction has been described as a “love affair” and the addict’s drug of choice as his/her “best friend.” Imagine losing your best friend or… Continue Reading…
Creating Your Haven of Safety
One of the most basic human needs is the need for safety. Whether you’re conscious of it or not, you are continually scanning people, places, and situations to determine your relative level of safety. As a partner of a sex addict, you may feel that there is no safe place to turn. Much of what you assumed to… Continue Reading…