In my book, Moving Beyond Betrayal: The 5-Step Boundary Solution for Partners of Sex Addicts, I talk about the “honesty problem” in early recovery for sex addicts (to read an excerpt from this section of the book visit my blog article here). Because deception and lying go hand-in-hand with all addictions—not just sex addiction—addicts must literally learn how… Continue Reading…
Let Go of These 5 Things Before the New Year
I hope you’re having a wonderful holiday season! With the New Year fast approaching, I want to invite you to step into 2017 a little lighter — in your heart and soul. It’s a simple fact that in the first one to two years post-discovery or disclosure, partners of sex addicts carry a number of burdens:… Continue Reading…
How Long Should it Take to Prepare a Disclosure?
Last week, one of the members of my Partner’s Healing & Empowerment Online Community Forum asked this question: How long should it take for a sex addict to prepare a disclosure to present to his partner? If you’re not familiar with the disclosure process, you can read my article about formal therapeutic disclosure (FTD) here. Briefly, FTD is… Continue Reading…
Formal Therapeutic Disclosure
(The information contained in this post is for informational purposes only. Because of the serious nature of the disclosure process and the significant potential for harm due to improper use, this information should be used only in the context of a therapeutic process facilitated by a mental health professional trained in the use of formal therapeutic… Continue Reading…
Requests, Demands & Ultimatums
If you want to learn how to practice great self-care through using effective boundaries, you’ll need to understand the difference between requests, demands, and ultimatums. Let’s start with the formal, dictionary definitions: Request an act of asking politely or formally for something Demand a forceful statement in which you say that something must be done… Continue Reading…
A Partner’s Bill of Rights
If you’ve been living in the fog created by addiction, you may be questioning yourself and your reality. You may have been told you’re crazy, over-reacting or that your partner’s behavior isn’t that bad. As the advertising industry and politicians know all too well – if you hear a message repeatedly you will begin to… Continue Reading…
Will I Ever Trust Again?
I hear this question from almost every partner or survivor of infidelity that I see in my office. The simple answer is “yes.” You will trust again. However, you will likely never trust again the way you did pre-discovery, and that is not necessarily a bad thing. The difference between pre-discovery and post-discovery trust is… Continue Reading…