One of my favorite definitions of intimacy comes from the work of Pia Mellody. Pia defines intimacy as: The experience of knowing—and being known by—another person. We can know another person in many ways—intellectually, emotionally, physically, sexually, and spiritually. And intimacy can be experienced on each of these levels. Our boundaries determine how close we… Continue Reading…
When Do You Know Enough is Enough?
If you’re a partner of a sex addict, there is a very high likelihood that at some point you’ve wondered if you’ve tolerated the addict’s behavior for too long or put up with more than you should. Many partners berate themselves with internal messages like, “What’s wrong with me?” or “Why am I still with him?” If… Continue Reading…
The Politician (It’s Not What You Think)
Politicians, political operatives, and pundits are masters of the communication tool I want to introduce you to today. So many of the questions I receive from partners of sex addicts about communication problems with the addict can easily be addressed and resolved by learning—and using—this simple skill I call The Politician. Here’s an overview of scenarios where The Politician is your secret… Continue Reading…
Let Go of These 5 Things Before the New Year
I hope you’re having a wonderful holiday season! With the New Year fast approaching, I want to invite you to step into 2017 a little lighter — in your heart and soul. It’s a simple fact that in the first one to two years post-discovery or disclosure, partners of sex addicts carry a number of burdens:… Continue Reading…
Powerless—But Not Passive (6 Actions to Take)
Let’s face it—feeling powerless bites. There’s hardly anything as infuriating as the realization that you’re up against a problem or situation of some kind where there is absolutely nothing you can do to change it. Powerlessness will make you believe that there is nothing you can do, or worse, that you’re a victim. And when you see yourself as… Continue Reading…
7 Key Components of a “Therapeutic” Separation Agreement
(Please note: This article is intended for informational purposes only and should not be used as the primary or only source of guidance for instituting a period of therapeutic separation. Due to the complexity and variety of each individual case, consultation with a mental health treatment professional experienced in therapeutic separation is strongly recommended.) What is therapeutic separation? Therapeutic separation… Continue Reading…
How Long Should it Take to Prepare a Disclosure?
Last week, one of the members of my Survive & Thrive Membership Community for betrayed partners asked this question: How long should it take for a sex addict to prepare a disclosure to present to his partner? If you’re not familiar with the disclosure process, you can read my article about formal therapeutic disclosure (FTD) here. Briefly,… Continue Reading…