Staggered disclosure is an unfortunate—yet extremely common—experience for betrayed partners. Staggered disclosure is when a betrayed partner receives repeated and incomplete information about her spouse’s unfaithful actions or sexual acting out either directly from him (or her) or indirectly through intentional or unintentional discovery. For example, her spouse may tell her a story about a particular… Continue Reading…
What to Tell the Children?
Most parents—whether they’ve been impacted by addiction or not—struggle to talk to their children about sex. The infamous “birds and bees” talk is the source of endless jokes and secret discomfort for parents who fear they haven’t done enough to educate their children about their bodies or human sexuality. So when addicts and their partners want to… Continue Reading…
Verify . . . for Trust
In my book, Moving Beyond Betrayal: The 5-Step Boundary Solution for Partners of Sex Addicts, I talk about the “honesty problem” in early recovery for sex addicts (to read an excerpt from this section of the book visit my blog article here). Because deception and lying go hand-in-hand with all addictions—not just sex addiction—addicts must literally learn how… Continue Reading…
Let Go of These 5 Things Before the New Year
I hope you’re having a wonderful holiday season! With the New Year fast approaching, I want to invite you to step into 2017 a little lighter — in your heart and soul. It’s a simple fact that in the first one to two years post-discovery or disclosure, partners of sex addicts carry a number of burdens:… Continue Reading…
5 Things Addicts Should (& Shouldn’t) Say to Partners
Working with partners and sex addicts over the past 11 years, I’ve been told, and witnessed, many examples of successful—and less than successful—dialogues between addicts and partners. Successful couples’ conversations usually have the following characteristics: Listening with curiosity and openness Minimal defensiveness Willingness to attempt to understand the other person’s perspective (also known as empathy) The ability to admit being wrong… Continue Reading…
Beginning Anew & Rebuilding Trust
With just 3 days left in 2015, it’s the perfect time to think about new beginnings. When your life has been shattered by the discovery of betrayal and infidelity, it’s easy to lose hope or think that you will always feel the way you do now. The good news is that this difficult time is just… Continue Reading…
The Dark Before Dawn
In just a few hours — 10:48 pm CST to be exact — the winter solstice will occur. The winter solstice is the shortest day and the longest night of the year. Thinking about this time of year and the solstice, I’m reminded of the expression: It’s always darkest just before the dawn. This is so true… Continue Reading…