Formal Therapeutic Disclosure (FTD) is a milestone for any couple who wants to rebuild their relationship after the devastation of chronic sexual betrayal. FTD—as experienced by partners of sex addicts—can be simultaneously terrifying, and greatly anticipated. On the one hand, partners look forward to getting information they need and deserve. On the other hand, they feel… Continue Reading…
Should You Be the Addict’s Accountability Partner?
For a relationship impacted by betrayal to heal, the partner responsible for the betrayal must engage in certain trust-building and accountability actions. Accountability can include: Sharing passwords for bank, email, and phone accounts Reviewing bank, email, or phone accounts together as a couple Installing a tracking app on a personal cell phone to demonstrate transparency around… Continue Reading…
Practicing Detachment [4 Guidelines]
One of the members of my partner’s online community recently asked me about detachment. She had just learned about the concept of detachment, and wanted to know how she could stay connected to her husband in the way she wants to—and the way her faith encourages her to do—while at the same time being detached. This is… Continue Reading…
Should You Contact a Former Affair Partner?
Occasionally, an unfaithful spouse or betrayed partner asks, “Should I contact a former affair partner?” Reasons for wanting to contact a former affair partner include: Wanting to establish a boundary that you (the unfaithful spouse) don’t want further contact—provided you haven’t already made this clear to the affair partner. Making a request of some kind, such as asking… Continue Reading…
Do You Measure Up?
Have you ever wondered—or despaired—that there’s no way you could ever measure up to an affair partner, a sex worker, or porn? That you couldn’t “compete?” Most partners of sex addicts do. You may believe that the reason your partner was unfaithful was because you weren’t good enough, didn’t look “right,” or because you weren’t willing to… Continue Reading…
5 Essentials for Healing
A few days ago, a partner in my Moving Beyond Betrayal Partner’s Boundaries Course asked me what are the most important things betrayed partners need to do to heal? What a great question. While it’s impossible to give a simple, cookie-cutter, one-size-fits-all answer, there are very specific actions partners can take, tools they can learn,… Continue Reading…
What to Tell the Children?
Most parents—whether they’ve been impacted by addiction or not—struggle to talk to their children about sex. The infamous “birds and bees” talk is the source of endless jokes and secret discomfort for parents who fear they haven’t done enough to educate their children about their bodies or human sexuality. So when addicts and their partners want to… Continue Reading…