Last night I hosted a free online presentation about how betrayed partners can use specific skills and tools to manage the inevitable triggers that go hand-in-hand with the discovery or disclosure of sexual betrayal. There were more than 70 partners in attendance, and when we got to the Q&A portion of the presentation, there were… Continue Reading…
Partners, Triggers & “Adult” Entertainment
Sexually oriented businesses are intensely triggering to betrayed partners. Seeing a massage parlor, adult bookstore, strip club, or so-called modeling studio can bring on a panic attack. Partners often intentionally avoid driving or walking by one of these business establishments to manage their anxiety. While it’s completely understandable and natural to be triggered when being… Continue Reading…
Accountability is Sexy
Do you remember the last time you told your spouse that something they did wasn’t working for you? Or maybe you made a request for a minor change of behavior (like spending more time connecting and less time on devices), and you got a less than positive response? Sadly, this is more the norm than… Continue Reading…
Protect Your Confidence—4 Ways
Sexual betrayal has a way of destroying—at least temporarily—a partner’s confidence. Confidence is defined as: The feeling or belief that one can rely on someone or something; firm trust. It’s interesting that confidence is related to trust. And in the case of self-confidence, that means you have the feeling or belief that you can rely… Continue Reading…
Negotiating Non-Negotiables [for Addicts] Part 2
[Read Negotiating Non-Negotiables for Addicts Part 1 here.] Of all the topics I cover on my blog, non-negotiable boundaries tends to push the most buttons—for betrayed partners and unfaithful spouses alike. Betrayed partners sometimes mis-use non-negotiables to gain a sense of safety or control. Or they use them as a way to avoid the painful… Continue Reading…
Facing Fear
Fear—as an emotion— is part of everyday life. From mundane experiences like driving down the freeway, going to a dreaded medical appointment, or applying for a new job, the variety of experiences and situations that bring up fear are endless. Although uncomfortable, fear is a helpful emotion. Gavin de Becker wrote a wonderful book entitled… Continue Reading…
5 Reasons to Go on “No Contact”
For couples who want to overcome the devastating impact of chronic sexual betrayal or sex addiction, the goal is to heal, rebuild trust, and restore their relationship. It may seem counter-productive, or even harmful, for a couple who wants to rebuild their relationship to limit or stop having contact for a period of time. However,… Continue Reading…