![Practicing Detachment [4 Guidelines]](https://vickitidwellpalmer.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/06/detachment-300x300.png)
One of the members of my partner’s online community recently asked me about detachment. She had just learned about the concept of detachment, and wanted to know how she could stay connected to her husband in the way she wants to—and the way her faith encourages her to do—while at the same time being detached. This is… Continue Reading…
Should You Contact a Former Affair Partner?
Occasionally, a sex addict or their partner asks, “Should I contact a former affair partner?” Reasons for wanting to contact a former affair partner include: Wanting to establish a boundary that you (addict) don’t want further contact—provided you haven’t already made this clear to the affair partner. Making a request of some kind, such as asking that the affair… Continue Reading…
Release Resentment in 5 Steps
As a betrayed partner, there is no way to avoid the very human feeling of resentment. The dictionary definition of resentment is: “bitter indignation at having been treated unfairly” It is certainly unfair to be the victim of chronic sexual betrayal through no fault of your own. The definition of resentment I prefer is “victim anger“—a… Continue Reading…
What to Tell the Children?
Most parents—whether they’ve been impacted by addiction or not—struggle to talk to their children about sex. The infamous “birds and bees” talk is the source of endless jokes and secret discomfort for parents who fear they haven’t done enough to educate their children about their bodies or human sexuality. So when addicts and their partners want to… Continue Reading…
5 Barriers to Better Boundaries
Last month, one of the therapists in my Moving Beyond Betrayal Online Course for Clinicians & Coaches shared with me that one of her biggest challenges in supporting partners with their boundary work is not the actual boundary setting, but rather the follow-through after the boundary is set. Following through may mean doing what you said you would… Continue Reading…
One, Powerful Tool for Triggers
Triggers— an unavoidable consequence of chronic sexual betrayal—are emotionally and physically distressing. Triggers strike without warning and may become debilitating or develop into depression and isolation. Most partners I’ve worked with have changed at least some of their daily routines and habits due to the painful impact of triggers brought on by sexual betrayal. In the first 6 to 9 months… Continue Reading…
Partners, Addicts & Empathy
I heard a beautiful story the other day that reminded me of the power of empathy in relationships impacted by sex addiction. An addict with several years of sobriety—in recovery for more than 10 years—came home from his weekly meeting with his sponsor. He’s been working through the 12 steps again, and was finishing his work on Step 9—Made direct amends to… Continue Reading…