A blog follower recently left a comment on my article, Turning Complaints Into Requests, asking me to define “emotional affair.” It’s a good question. You may have a sense that you know an emotional affair when you see one, but couples sometimes disagree about whether or not a certain relationship was—or is—an emotional affair. Betrayed partners… Continue Reading…
What to Do When You Despair
If you’ve experienced chronic sexual betrayal or you’re feeling disoriented, as if there is no firm foundation underneath you, it is all too easy to fall into despair. Despair is defined as: The complete loss or absence of hope. Despair can also be thought of as an intense form of pain or sadness. Being in… Continue Reading…
Your Survive & Thrive Blueprint for Healing
A wise and thoughtful betrayed partner once asked me: What are the most important things betrayed partners need to do to heal? What a great question. Surviving and eventually thriving (yes, it is absolutely possible!) after chronic sexual betrayal is a complicated and harrowing journey. There are no simple, cookie-cutter, one-size-fits-all answers for every partner…. Continue Reading…
Being Right & Being Happy
Has anyone ever asked you, Do you want to be right or do you want to be happy?” The first time I heard this question—many years ago—I have to admit I didn’t get it. I thought, can’t you be both right and happy? As it turns out, not always. If you have a habit of… Continue Reading…
3 Reasons NOT to Share Consequences
Betrayed partners often want to know whether they should share with their spouse the consequence they plan to follow through with when they set a boundary. When thinking about responses to boundary problems or violations, it’s important to remember that boundaries are not something you impose on another person. However, you can create boundaries around… Continue Reading…
A Guide to Betrayed Partner Impact Statements
One of the partners in my Moving Beyond Betrayal Boundaries Course recently asked my opinion about betrayed partners writing an impact statement. If you’re not familiar with impact statements, they are a written document drafted by a betrayed partner—with the guidance and support of her or his therapist—that is eventually read to the unfaithful spouse, preferably in… Continue Reading…
Planning In-House Separation
Periods of separation in long-term relationships can be healing, illuminating, and even necessary—not just in relationships impacted by chronic sexual betrayal. In my article 7 Key Components of a “Therapeutic” Separation Agreement, I outlined the fundamentals of a therapeutic separation agreement for couples who are living in two separate residences. However, there are times when… Continue Reading…