Discovering that you’ve been betrayed or deceived is devastating. Discovery is disorienting, and creates feelings of uncertainty about yourself, your spouse, and your life. To make sense of the new information you’ve received and to seek a sense of safety, some of the most common activities partners engage in immediately after discovery are: Searching phone… Continue Reading…
Do Unfaithful Spouses Deserve Respect?
Do unfaithful spouses deserve respect? If your immediate response is “Not a chance,” my mission is to change your mind in the few minutes it will take to read this article. Why? Because, as my mentor Pia Mellody is fond of saying: Respect is the minimum of love Yes, that’s right. Even when you’ve been… Continue Reading…
Your Roadmap for Healing [Part 2]
After my last post, It All Starts with Self-Care, a blog follower wanted to know whether a one-time affair is the same as sex addiction, and what to do when you’re facing an affair — what are the steps to take both individually and as a couple? I get questions like these all the time…. Continue Reading…
Is There Hope for Couples Long-Term?
Over the years, many betrayed partners have asked me: Is it really possible for a couple to survive chronic betrayal long-term? Or a partner will send me an email desperately wanting to know if there is hope. She may ask if I know a partner who is still in her marriage that she can connect… Continue Reading…
When Your Spouse Objectifies in Public [Part I]
(This article is part one of a two-part series about what to do when you perceive that your spouse is objectifying others in public.) One of the most painful—yet common—experiences for a betrayed partner is when she has the feeling or perception that her spouse is objectifying other people when she’s with him in public…. Continue Reading…
Should You Hire a Hacker or Learn Boundaries?
When you’re a therapist or coach specializing in working with people impacted by problems with sexuality or sexual issues, it’s inevitable that from time to time you get some—shall we say—interesting calls, texts, emails, and blog comments. A couple of weeks ago, I got this referral to a hacker: Hello, if you need a hacker… Continue Reading…
4 Truths That Unite Couples After Infidelity
Wednesday night I had the privilege of attending a talk by Dan Rather about his most recent book, What Unites Us: Reflections on Patriotism. After a storied career spanning more than six decades, interviewing every president since Eisenhower, and anchoring the CBS Evening News for 24 years, it was encouraging to hear him say: If… Continue Reading…