Over the years, many betrayed partners have asked me: Is it really possible for a couple to survive chronic betrayal long-term? Or a partner will send me an email desperately wanting to know if there is hope. She may ask if I know a partner who is still in her marriage that she can connect… Continue Reading…
When Your Spouse Objectifies in Public [Part I]
(This article is part one of a two-part series about what to do when you perceive that your spouse is objectifying others in public.) One of the most painful—yet common—experiences for a betrayed partner is when she has the feeling or perception that her spouse is objectifying other people when she’s with him in public…. Continue Reading…
Should You Hire a Hacker or Learn Boundaries?
When you’re a therapist or coach specializing in working with people impacted by problems with sexuality or sexual issues, it’s inevitable that from time to time you get some—shall we say—interesting calls, texts, emails, and blog comments. A couple of weeks ago, I got this referral to a hacker: Hello, if you need a hacker… Continue Reading…
4 Truths That Unite Couples After Infidelity
Wednesday night I had the privilege of attending a talk by Dan Rather about his most recent book, What Unites Us: Reflections on Patriotism. After a storied career spanning more than six decades, interviewing every president since Eisenhower, and anchoring the CBS Evening News for 24 years, it was encouraging to hear him say: If… Continue Reading…
7 Signs You’re Being Gaslighted
Gaslighting is a term that comes from a 1944 movie called Gaslight. It’s a form of mental abuse where the victim is lied to—or the truth is otherwise distorted—for the purpose of causing the victim to doubt her own reality, memory, or perceptions. Gaslighting creates the fog of addiction, and perfectly describes what happens to betrayed… Continue Reading…
Emotional Restitution [For Addicts] – Part 2
This article is the second of a 2-part series outlining an amends-making process for sex addicts, known as emotional restitution. Read Emotional Restitution [For Addicts] Part 1 here. The information is adapted from the work of Patrick Carnes, PhD as presented in his workbook, The 90-Day Prep, in the Recovery Start Kit: A 100-day Plan for Addiction Recovery. Part 5 Acknowledge Image… Continue Reading…
Partners, Addicts & Empathy
I heard a beautiful story the other day that reminded me of the power of empathy in relationships impacted by sex addiction. An addict with several years of sobriety—in recovery for more than 10 years—came home from his weekly meeting with his sponsor. He’s been working through the 12 steps again, and was finishing his work on Step 9—Made direct amends to… Continue Reading…