There are truly no words to describe the devastation and heartache we’ve experienced here in Houston (and all over South Texas) in the past few days in the aftermath of Hurricane Harvey. I am a native Houstonian, and have lived in Houston my whole life. Needless to say—no hurricane or tropical storm ever came close… Continue Reading…
Facing Fear
Fear—as an emotion— is part of everyday life. From mundane experiences like driving down the freeway, going to a dreaded medical appointment, or applying for a new job, the variety of experiences and situations that bring up fear are endless. Although uncomfortable, fear is a helpful emotion. Gavin de Becker wrote a wonderful book entitled… Continue Reading…
Do You Measure Up?
Have you ever wondered—or despaired—that there’s no way you could ever measure up to an affair partner, a sex worker, or porn? That you couldn’t “compete?” Most partners of sex addicts do. You may believe that the reason your partner was unfaithful was because you weren’t good enough, didn’t look “right,” or because you weren’t willing to… Continue Reading…
Apologies to Dr. Phil
Have you ever heard something—especially gossip—believed it, and then passed it on to other people as The Truth? Most of us have, and I confess—so have I. A couple of weeks ago in my Clear, Clean & Connected couples group, we were watching a video of a very well-known and respected couples’ therapist. He was talking about… Continue Reading…
Emotional Restitution [For Addicts] – Part 2
This article is the second of a 2-part series outlining an amends-making process for sex addicts, known as emotional restitution. Read Emotional Restitution [For Addicts] Part 1 here. The information is adapted from the work of Patrick Carnes, PhD as presented in his workbook, The 90-Day Prep, in the Recovery Start Kit: A 100-day Plan for Addiction Recovery. Part 5 Acknowledge Image… Continue Reading…
5 Essentials for Healing
A few days ago, a partner in my Moving Beyond Betrayal Partner’s Boundaries Course asked me what are the most important things betrayed partners need to do to heal? What a great question. While it’s impossible to give a simple, cookie-cutter, one-size-fits-all answer, there are very specific actions partners can take, tools they can learn,… Continue Reading…
One, Powerful Tool for Triggers
Triggers— an unavoidable consequence of chronic sexual betrayal—are emotionally and physically distressing. Triggers strike without warning and may become debilitating or develop into depression and isolation. Most partners I’ve worked with have changed at least some of their daily routines and habits due to the painful impact of triggers brought on by sexual betrayal. In the first 6 to 9 months… Continue Reading…