Did you know that your boundaries actually help your loved ones? It’s true. If you’ve ever tried to set boundaries with someone, you were probably on the receiving end of exasperated sighs, eye-rolls, complaining, pushback, or maybe even outright hostility. These types of responses — or reactions— may have caused you to think you were… Continue Reading…
When Battling Infidelity, Choose a Worthy Opponent
I love this quote: Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle. No one is sure of the original author, but it’s been attributed to Philo of Alexandria, Plato, Ian MacLaren, and John Watson. Nonetheless, it’s a powerful message—especially for survivors of chronic infidelity or a spouse’s addiction. Betrayed partners fight a… Continue Reading…
Emotional Restitution [For Addicts] – Part I
(This article is the first of a 2-part series outlining an amends-making process for sex addicts, known as emotional restitution. The information is adapted from the work of Patrick Carnes, PhD as presented in his workbook, The 90-Day Prep, in the Recovery Start Kit: A 100-day Plan for Addiction Recovery.) Restitution: the restoration of something lost or stolen to its… Continue Reading…
5 Essentials for Healing
A few days ago, a partner in my Moving Beyond Betrayal Partner’s Boundaries Course asked me what are the most important things betrayed partners need to do to heal? What a great question. While it’s impossible to give a simple, cookie-cutter, one-size-fits-all answer, there are very specific actions partners can take, tools they can learn,… Continue Reading…
Are You Living from the Inside Out?
Do you spend more time wondering whether other people like—or love—you than asking whether or not you like—or love—them? When making decisions about what you wear, the kind of car you drive, where you live, or even where you go for dinner, do you consider first what other people will think about your choice, or do you think only… Continue Reading…
5 Practices of Highly Accountable People
Let’s face it we’re all fallible. Sooner or later, we’re going to let someone down, fail to follow through, say one thing and do another, or just not show up. And that being the case, there’s one skill we all need when we’re simply human—and that’s accountability. Accountability is: the quality or state of being accountable; especially: … Continue Reading…
One, Powerful Tool for Triggers
Triggers— an unavoidable consequence of chronic sexual betrayal—are emotionally and physically distressing. Triggers strike without warning and may become debilitating or develop into depression and isolation. Most partners I’ve worked with have changed at least some of their daily routines and habits due to the painful impact of triggers brought on by sexual betrayal. In the first 6 to 9 months… Continue Reading…