Occasionally, a sex addict or their partner asks, “Should I contact a former affair partner?” Reasons for wanting to contact a former affair partner include: Wanting to establish a boundary that you (addict) don’t want further contact—provided you haven’t already made this clear to the affair partner. Making a request of some kind, such as asking that the affair… Continue Reading…
5 Essentials for Healing
A few days ago, a partner in my Moving Beyond Betrayal Partner’s Boundaries Course asked me what are the most important things betrayed partners need to do to heal? What a great question. While it’s impossible to give a simple, cookie-cutter, one-size-fits-all answer, there are very specific actions partners can take, tools they can learn,… Continue Reading…
Are You Living from the Inside Out?
Do you spend more time wondering whether other people like—or love—you than asking whether or not you like—or love—them? When making decisions about what you wear, the kind of car you drive, where you live, or even where you go for dinner, do you consider first what other people will think about your choice, or do you think only… Continue Reading…
5 Barriers to Better Boundaries
Last month, one of the therapists in my Moving Beyond Betrayal Online Course for Clinicians & Coaches shared with me that one of her biggest challenges in supporting partners with their boundary work is not the actual boundary setting, but rather the follow-through after the boundary is set. Following through may mean doing what you said you would… Continue Reading…
5 Practices of Highly Accountable People
Let’s face it we’re all fallible. Sooner or later, we’re going to let someone down, fail to follow through, say one thing and do another, or just not show up. And that being the case, there’s one skill we all need when we’re simply human—and that’s accountability. Accountability is: the quality or state of being accountable; especially: … Continue Reading…
One, Powerful Tool for Triggers
Triggers— an unavoidable consequence of chronic sexual betrayal—are emotionally and physically distressing. Triggers strike without warning and may become debilitating or develop into depression and isolation. Most partners I’ve worked with have changed at least some of their daily routines and habits due to the painful impact of triggers brought on by sexual betrayal. In the first 6 to 9 months… Continue Reading…
Partners, Addicts & Empathy
I heard a beautiful story the other day that reminded me of the power of empathy in relationships impacted by sex addiction. An addict with several years of sobriety—in recovery for more than 10 years—came home from his weekly meeting with his sponsor. He’s been working through the 12 steps again, and was finishing his work on Step 9—Made direct amends to… Continue Reading…