Over the years, many betrayed partners have told me they need to know their spouse’s thoughts or fantasies about other people in order to heal or stay in their relationship. Some partners believed that they had a right to know their spouse’s every thought or fantasy. Several said that if their spouse had sexual thoughts… Continue Reading…
Reject Rejection
I don’t believe in rejection. Don’t get my wrong, I’ve experienced what most people think of as “rejection.” Not getting the job, the opportunity, or the guy. In fact, my high school sweetheart unceremoniously ended our 6-year relationship—and our engagement—over the phone. Ouch. But I don’t see it as a rejection. Rejection is defined as:… Continue Reading…
Being Right & Being Happy
Has anyone ever asked you, Do you want to be right or do you want to be happy?” The first time I heard this question—many years ago—I have to admit I didn’t get it. I thought, can’t you be both right and happy? As it turns out, not always. If you have a habit of… Continue Reading…
3 Reasons NOT to Share Consequences
Betrayed partners often want to know whether they should share with their spouse the consequence they plan to follow through with when they set a boundary. When thinking about responses to boundary problems or violations, it’s important to remember that boundaries are not something you impose on another person. However, you can create boundaries around… Continue Reading…
3 Biggest Mistakes Betrayed Partners Make When Creating Boundaries
To survive chronic sexual betrayal, one of the most important skills you must learn is effective boundary work. There are more benefits of understanding the way boundaries work than I can cover here, but a short list would include: Getting clarity about your needs and wants, and knowing how to get them met. Creating space… Continue Reading…
Strong in the Broken Places
There is a beautiful, ancient Japanese art where potters fix broken or cracked pottery by using lacquer dusted with gold, silver, or platinum. The process is called Kintsugi, which means “golden repair.” The intention behind Kintsugi is to draw attention to, and emphasize the breaks and imperfections of the piece rather than trying to cover… Continue Reading…
Are You Living from the Inside Out?
Do you spend more time wondering whether other people like—or love—you than asking whether or not you like—or love—them? When making decisions about what you wear, the kind of car you drive, where you live, or even where you go for dinner, do you consider first what other people will think about your choice, or do you think only… Continue Reading…