Over the years, many betrayed partners have asked me:
Is it really possible for a couple to survive chronic betrayal long-term?
Or a partner will send me an email desperately wanting to know if there is hope. She may ask if I know a partner who is still in her marriage that she can connect with—ideally, one who is 5, 10, 15, or more years post-discovery and disclosure. She wants to know, “Is there hope for my relationship?” Or she wonders, “Do partners like this really exist?”
Yes they do!
After receiving so many requests like these, I want to offer a resource to my blog readers so that you can hear directly from a betrayed partner, and her husband, their individual stories of healing, resilience, hope, and empowerment.
These stories are near and dear to my heart. I have known this couple for more than 15 years, and they just recently celebrated their 55th wedding anniversary! They are pillars of the local Houston recovery community, and have tirelessly supported the development and growth of communities for unfaithful spouses, betrayed partners, and couples impacted by chronic infidelity—both individually and as a couple. I have deep respect and affection for both of them.
Below are two options for accessing recordings from the 2011 Sex Addicts Anonymous/COSA Convention Joint Banquet where they share their stories:
Option 1
To get the partner’s story from the COSA website, click here,* and choose “2011 COSA/SAA Joint Banquet.”
Option 2
To get both stories in one recording from the Sex Addicts Anonymous website, click here,* and choose “2011 Saturday Banquet Speaker” under the 2011 Convention heading.
My own healing was the gift I found in recovery.
I am grateful for the work I’ve done.
I never imagined when I started doing the hard, painful work what a rich, full life I would find.
I created a life with boundaries—learning to trust myself, and then my husband.
—Gayle
*There is a nominal fee for each convention recording. All proceeds go either to COSA or Sex Addicts Anonymous, depending on purchase option.
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© Vicki Tidwell Palmer, LCSW (2018)
Thank you for this post. It gives me hope. I’ve been married 38 years. My husband stays sober awhile then relapses. He is in the 12 step program as well as I am in a s anon. I enjoy your blogs. It has been very helpful to me.
You are so welcome JayMarie!
I often call the betrayed partner’s experience the courageous journey. I firmly believe that if a partner uses the experience of betrayal to learn how to take care of and love her/himself to the best of her ability, she will be fine no matter what happens in her relationship. If you get the recording and listen to this partner’s story you will hear how she transformed everything that happened to her into a beautiful life. And I can tell you from direct experience that she is the embodiment of that, and much more.
Take good care, and keep up the good work!