Staggered disclosure is an unfortunate—yet extremely common—experience for betrayed partners. Staggered disclosure is when a betrayed partner receives repeated and incomplete information about her spouse’s unfaithful actions or sexual acting out either directly from him (or her) or indirectly through intentional or unintentional discovery. For example, her spouse may tell her a story about a particular… Continue Reading…
Being Right & Being Happy
Has anyone ever asked you, Do you want to be right or do you want to be happy?” The first time I heard this question—many years ago—I have to admit I didn’t get it. I thought, can’t you be both right and happy? As it turns out, not always. If you have a habit of… Continue Reading…
3 Reasons NOT to Share Consequences
Betrayed partners often want to know whether they should share with their spouse the consequence they plan to follow through with when they set a boundary. When thinking about responses to boundary problems or violations, it’s important to remember that boundaries are not something you impose on another person. However, you can create boundaries around… Continue Reading…
Revisiting Your Rights as a Betrayed Partner
Back in September of 2014 I wrote A Partner’s Bill of Rights, an article that includes a list of rights for betrayed partners, also available in my book, Moving Beyond Betrayal. I was reminded this past Tuesday night during a Live Q&A Call for the launch of Taming Triggers Solution Online Course, that from time to time it… Continue Reading…
A Guide to Betrayed Partner Impact Statements
One of the partners in my Moving Beyond Betrayal Boundaries Course recently asked my opinion about betrayed partners writing an impact statement. If you’re not familiar with impact statements, they are a written document drafted by a betrayed partner—with the guidance and support of her or his therapist—that is eventually read to the unfaithful spouse, preferably in… Continue Reading…
The ONE Belief Every Betrayed Partner Must Embrace
In early January, I was honored to be the keynote speaker for the first annual Infidelity Survivors Anonymous Retreat here in Texas. During the Q&A Session on Saturday afternoon, one of the participants wanted to explore why she still gets triggered sometimes—even after many years of solid self-care, relationship healing, and boundary work. Like most… Continue Reading…
3 Biggest Mistakes Betrayed Partners Make When Creating Boundaries
To survive chronic sexual betrayal, one of the most important skills you must learn is effective boundary work. There are more benefits of understanding the way boundaries work than I can cover here, but a short list would include: Getting clarity about your needs and wants, and knowing how to get them met. Creating space… Continue Reading…