If you’ve experienced chronic sexual betrayal or you’re feeling disoriented, as if there is no firm foundation underneath you, it is all too easy to fall into despair. Despair is defined as: The complete loss or absence of hope. Despair can also be thought of as an intense form of pain or sadness. Being in… Continue Reading…
Is There Hope After Betrayal?
Betrayed partners often want to know whether there is hope after long-term sexual betrayal. Hope is defined as: a feeling of expectation and desire for a certain thing to happen. It’s interesting to note that the archaic definition of hope is: a feeling of trust. While all betrayed partners might not agree about what they expect… Continue Reading…
Sharing Thoughts & Fantasies
Over the years, many betrayed partners have told me they need to know their spouse’s thoughts or fantasies about other people in order to heal or stay in their relationship. Some partners believed that they had a right to know their spouse’s every thought or fantasy. Several said that if their spouse had sexual thoughts… Continue Reading…
Why You Should Avoid Staggered Disclosure
Staggered disclosure is an unfortunate—yet extremely common—experience for betrayed partners. Staggered disclosure is when a betrayed partner receives repeated and incomplete information about her spouse’s unfaithful actions or sexual acting out either directly from him (or her) or indirectly through intentional or unintentional discovery. For example, her spouse may tell her a story about a particular… Continue Reading…
Your Survive & Thrive Blueprint for Healing
A wise and thoughtful betrayed partner once asked me: What are the most important things betrayed partners need to do to heal? What a great question. Surviving and eventually thriving (yes, it is absolutely possible!) after chronic sexual betrayal is a complicated and harrowing journey. There are no simple, cookie-cutter, one-size-fits-all answers for every partner…. Continue Reading…
Reject Rejection
I don’t believe in rejection. Don’t get my wrong, I’ve experienced what most people think of as “rejection.” Not getting the job, the opportunity, or the guy. In fact, my high school sweetheart unceremoniously ended our 6-year relationship—and our engagement—over the phone. Ouch. But I don’t see it as a rejection. Rejection is defined as:… Continue Reading…
5 Spiritual Lessons From Waze
Sometimes spiritual lessons come from the most unexpected places. I’ve been using the navigation app Waze for a couple of years now. If you’re not familiar with Waze, it’s “the world’s largest community-based traffic and navigation app,” according to its website. The more I use Waze, the more I see the many spiritual and recovery lessons… Continue Reading…
Being Right & Being Happy
Has anyone ever asked you, Do you want to be right or do you want to be happy?” The first time I heard this question—many years ago—I have to admit I didn’t get it. I thought, can’t you be both right and happy? As it turns out, not always. If you have a habit of… Continue Reading…
3 Reasons NOT to Share Consequences
Betrayed partners often want to know whether they should share with their spouse the consequence they plan to follow through with when they set a boundary. When thinking about responses to boundary problems or violations, it’s important to remember that boundaries are not something you impose on another person. However, you can create boundaries around… Continue Reading…
Revisiting Your Rights as a Betrayed Partner
Back in September of 2014 I wrote A Partner’s Bill of Rights, an article that includes a list of rights for betrayed partners, also available in my book, Moving Beyond Betrayal. I was reminded this past Tuesday night during a Live Q&A Call for the launch of Taming Triggers Solution Online Course, that from time to time it… Continue Reading…
A Guide to Betrayed Partner Impact Statements
One of the partners in my Moving Beyond Betrayal Boundaries Course recently asked my opinion about betrayed partners writing an impact statement. If you’re not familiar with impact statements, they are a written document drafted by a betrayed partner—with the guidance and support of her or his therapist—that is eventually read to the unfaithful spouse, preferably in… Continue Reading…
Planning In-House Separation
Periods of separation in long-term relationships can be healing, illuminating, and even necessary—not just in relationships impacted by chronic sexual betrayal. In my article 7 Key Components of a “Therapeutic” Separation Agreement, I outlined the fundamentals of a therapeutic separation agreement for couples who are living in two separate residences. However, there are times when… Continue Reading…