In my article, 7 Key Components of a “Therapeutic” Separation Agreement, I covered the key elements that should be included in any therapeutic separation agreement. The 7 components are: Length of separation Who will leave the home Access to the home Communication Household/childcare matters Goals for reintegration Post-reintegration agreements While each of these is vital… Continue Reading…
5 Signs It May Be an Emotional Affair
A blog follower recently left a comment on my article, Turning Complaints Into Requests, asking me to define “emotional affair.” It’s a good question. You may have a sense that you know an emotional affair when you see one, but couples sometimes disagree about whether or not a certain relationship was—or is—an emotional affair. Betrayed partners… Continue Reading…
Sheri Winston’s 4-Step “Beautiful Boundaries” Process
I had the privilege of interviewing award-winning author and Wholistic Sexuality teacher Sheri Winston on the Beyond Bitchy Podcast last week. The topic was Yes, No & Maybe: Sexual Boundaries for Women. If you haven’t had a chance to listen to the episode, you can tune in here. Sheri and I discovered after we connected several months… Continue Reading…
What to Do When You Despair
If you’ve experienced chronic sexual betrayal or you’re feeling disoriented, as if there is no firm foundation underneath you, it is all too easy to fall into despair. Despair is defined as: The complete loss or absence of hope. Despair can also be thought of as an intense form of pain or sadness. Being in… Continue Reading…
Is There Hope After Betrayal?
Betrayed partners often want to know whether there is hope after long-term sexual betrayal. Hope is defined as: a feeling of expectation and desire for a certain thing to happen. It’s interesting to note that the archaic definition of hope is: a feeling of trust. While all betrayed partners might not agree about what they expect… Continue Reading…
Sharing Thoughts & Fantasies
Over the years, many betrayed partners have told me they need to know their spouse’s thoughts or fantasies about other people in order to heal or stay in their relationship. Some partners believed that they had a right to know their spouse’s every thought or fantasy. Several said that if their spouse had sexual thoughts… Continue Reading…
Why You Should Avoid Staggered Disclosure
Staggered disclosure is an unfortunate—yet extremely common—experience for betrayed partners. Staggered disclosure is when a betrayed partner receives repeated and incomplete information about her spouse’s unfaithful actions or sexual acting out either directly from him (or her) or indirectly through intentional or unintentional discovery. For example, her spouse may tell her a story about a particular… Continue Reading…
Your Survive & Thrive Blueprint for Healing
A wise and thoughtful betrayed partner once asked me: What are the most important things betrayed partners need to do to heal? What a great question. Surviving and eventually thriving (yes, it is absolutely possible!) after chronic sexual betrayal is a complicated and harrowing journey. There are no simple, cookie-cutter, one-size-fits-all answers for every partner…. Continue Reading…
Reject Rejection
I don’t believe in rejection. Don’t get my wrong, I’ve experienced what most people think of as “rejection.” Not getting the job, the opportunity, or the guy. In fact, my high school sweetheart unceremoniously ended our 6-year relationship—and our engagement—over the phone. Ouch. But I don’t see it as a rejection. Rejection is defined as:… Continue Reading…
5 Spiritual Lessons From Waze
Sometimes spiritual lessons come from the most unexpected places. I’ve been using the navigation app Waze for a couple of years now. If you’re not familiar with Waze, it’s “the world’s largest community-based traffic and navigation app,” according to its website. The more I use Waze, the more I see the many spiritual and recovery lessons… Continue Reading…
Being Right & Being Happy
Has anyone ever asked you, Do you want to be right or do you want to be happy?” The first time I heard this question—many years ago—I have to admit I didn’t get it. I thought, can’t you be both right and happy? As it turns out, not always. If you have a habit of… Continue Reading…
3 Reasons NOT to Share Consequences
Betrayed partners often want to know whether they should share with their spouse the consequence they plan to follow through with when they set a boundary. When thinking about responses to boundary problems or violations, it’s important to remember that boundaries are not something you impose on another person. However, you can create boundaries around… Continue Reading…