![Disclosure Self-Care for Partners [Part III]](https://i2.wp.com/vickitidwellpalmer.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/07/cave.png?fit=300%2C251&ssl=1)
[This article is Part 3 of a 3-part series for partners on how to practice self-care before, during, and after Formal Therapeutic Disclosure (FTD). If you haven’t read Parts 1 & 2, start here with Disclosure Self-Care for Partners [Part 1]] In Disclosure Self-Care for Partners Parts 1 & 2, we covered what you need to… Continue Reading…
Disclosure Self-Care for Partners [Part II]
![Disclosure Self-Care for Partners [Part II]](https://i1.wp.com/vickitidwellpalmer.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/06/sunrise.png?fit=300%2C251&ssl=1)
[This article is Part 2 of a 3-part series for partners on how to practice self-care before, during, and after Formal Therapeutic Disclosure (FTD). If you haven’t read Part 1—Disclosure Self-Care for Partners [Part 1]—begin here.] In Disclosure Self-Care for Partners [Part 1], we covered what you need to know or do prior to the… Continue Reading…
Disclosure Self-Care for Partners [Part I]
![Disclosure Self-Care for Partners [Part I]](https://i2.wp.com/vickitidwellpalmer.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/06/Untitled-design-6.png?fit=300%2C300&ssl=1)
Formal Therapeutic Disclosure (FTD) is a milestone for any couple who wants to rebuild their relationship after the devastation of chronic sexual betrayal. FTD—as experienced by partners of sex addicts—can be simultaneously terrifying, and greatly anticipated. On the one hand, partners look forward to getting information they need and deserve. On the other hand, they feel… Continue Reading…
Should You Be the Addict’s Accountability Partner?
For a relationship impacted by betrayal to heal, the partner responsible for the betrayal must engage in certain trust-building and accountability actions. Accountability can include: Sharing passwords for bank, email, and phone accounts Reviewing bank, email, or phone accounts together as a couple Installing a tracking app on a personal cell phone to demonstrate transparency around… Continue Reading…
Practicing Detachment [4 Guidelines]
![Practicing Detachment [4 Guidelines]](https://i1.wp.com/vickitidwellpalmer.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/06/detachment.png?fit=300%2C300&ssl=1)
One of the members of my partner’s online community recently asked me about detachment. She had just learned about the concept of detachment, and wanted to know how she could stay connected to her husband in the way she wants to—and the way her faith encourages her to do—while at the same time being detached. This is… Continue Reading…
Should You Contact a Former Affair Partner?
Occasionally, a sex addict or their partner asks, “Should I contact a former affair partner?” Reasons for wanting to contact a former affair partner include: Wanting to establish a boundary that you (addict) don’t want further contact—provided you haven’t already made this clear to the affair partner. Making a request of some kind, such as asking that the affair… Continue Reading…
Do You Measure Up?
Have you ever wondered—or despaired—that there’s no way you could ever measure up to an affair partner, a sex worker, or porn? That you couldn’t “compete?” Most partners of sex addicts do. You may believe that the reason your partner was unfaithful was because you weren’t good enough, didn’t look “right,” or because you weren’t willing to… Continue Reading…
Report from the 12th Annual CSAT Symposium
I’m committed to blogging weekly, but I regret to say I dropped the ball last week . . . I was in Phoenix, Arizona attending the 12th Annual Symposium of the International Institute for Trauma & Addiction Professionals (IITAP) with about 600 colleagues. (IITAP is the organization that trains and certifies Certified Sex Addiction Therapists (CSATs) and CSAT… Continue Reading…
Apologies to Dr. Phil
Have you ever heard something—especially gossip—believed it, and then passed it on to other people as The Truth? Most of us have, and I confess—so have I. A couple of weeks ago in my Clear, Clean & Connected couples group, we were watching a video of a very well-known and respected couples’ therapist. He was talking about… Continue Reading…
Emotional Restitution [For Addicts] – Part 2
![Emotional Restitution [For Addicts] – Part 2](https://i1.wp.com/vickitidwellpalmer.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/04/amendsrestitution.png?fit=300%2C300&ssl=1)
This article is the second of a 2-part series outlining an amends-making process for sex addicts, known as emotional restitution. Read Emotional Restitution [For Addicts] Part 1 here. The information is adapted from the work of Patrick Carnes, PhD as presented in his workbook, The 90-Day Prep, in the Recovery Start Kit: A 100-day Plan for Addiction Recovery. Part 5 Acknowledge Image… Continue Reading…
Emotional Restitution [For Addicts] – Part I
(This article is the first of a 2-part series outlining an amends-making process for sex addicts, known as emotional restitution. The information is adapted from the work of Patrick Carnes, PhD as presented in his workbook, The 90-Day Prep, in the Recovery Start Kit: A 100-day Plan for Addiction Recovery.) Restitution: the restoration of something lost or stolen to its… Continue Reading…
Release Resentment in 5 Steps
As a betrayed partner, there is no way to avoid the very human feeling of resentment. The dictionary definition of resentment is: “bitter indignation at having been treated unfairly” It is certainly unfair to be the victim of chronic sexual betrayal through no fault of your own. The definition of resentment I prefer is “victim anger“—a… Continue Reading…