I don’t know about you, but I did not learn the kind of healthy intimacy skills that sustain long-term relationships when I was growing up. Although I sincerely believe my parents were doing the very best they could, they married and divorced each other twice during my childhood — unintentionally leaving a void where a… Continue Reading…
Do Unfaithful Spouses Deserve Respect?
Do unfaithful spouses deserve respect? If your immediate response is “Not a chance,” my mission is to change your mind in the few minutes it will take to read this article. Why? Because, as my mentor Pia Mellody is fond of saying: Respect is the minimum of love Yes, that’s right. Even when you’ve been… Continue Reading…
The Daily Transparency: A Tool for Rebuilding Trust
Every now and then a new tool for recovery and trust-building comes along, and I’m pleased to introduce you to one today! As you know, deception is one of the hallmarks of addictive behavior. And to make matters worse, if a person who struggles with addiction grew up in a family where lying and deception… Continue Reading…
Extreme Accountability
Have you ever committed to something but didn’t follow through? Did you promise something that you didn’t deliver? Have you ever told yourself, “I’m going to do _____________,” or “I’m going to stop doing ___________,” but you didn’t? Of course, we all have. And when we don’t follow through with a commitment–to ourselves or others—we… Continue Reading…
The Invisible Costs of Betrayal
Every betrayed partner knows that discovery, disclosure, and healing from chronic infidelity come at a cost. The shock, pain, and devastation of betrayal are immense, and their impact reverberates in every area of a partner’s life — including her physical health, her trust in her reality or thoughts, her emotional stability, and her spiritual life…. Continue Reading…
Is It Intuition or Paranoia?
A couple of months ago in one of my quarterly Clarity Circle Live Q&A Calls, a partner asked this excellent question: How do I know the difference between an intuition or paranoia? My husband is really trying, but I am struggling to trust him because he’s lied so well in the past … This partner… Continue Reading…
Your Roadmap for Healing [Part 2]
After my last post, It All Starts with Self-Care, a blog follower wanted to know whether a one-time affair is the same as sex addiction, and what to do when you’re facing an affair — what are the steps to take both individually and as a couple? I get questions like these all the time…. Continue Reading…
It All Starts With Self-Care
Thanks for your comments on the blog from my last post, Your Roadmap for Healing! Linda described so well what many betrayed partners experience as they search for answers at the beginning their journey: I am so grateful that you are setting forth the map to recovery in black and white. For me, I experienced… Continue Reading…
Your Roadmap For Healing
If I were to tell you that there is a roadmap out of the insanity, chaos, and despair of betrayal would you want it for yourself? I hope so, because you are 100% worth it — and more. When you, as a betrayed partner, have a roadmap for healing, these are just a few of… Continue Reading…
Give Yourself the Gift of Self-Love on Valentine’s Day
Are you dreading Valentine’s Day or just trying to ignore it and hope that it passes as soon as possible? You’re not alone. I have rarely met a woman who truly enjoys and looks forward to Valentine’s Day. Most of us — even before betrayal or addiction entered our lives — have endured painful and… Continue Reading…
A Boundary Without an Agreement is Not a Boundary
Over the years, I’ve heard so many stories of betrayed partners who were told that the way for them to create boundaries was to sit down and make a list of boundaries to present to their unfaithful spouse. Believing that this was the way to create boundaries, she (or he) did what she was told,… Continue Reading…
4 Ways Your Boundaries Help Your Loved Ones
Did you know that your boundaries actually help your loved ones? It’s true. If you’ve ever tried to set boundaries with someone, you were probably on the receiving end of exasperated sighs, eye-rolls, complaining, pushback, or maybe even outright hostility. These types of responses — or reactions— may have caused you to think you were… Continue Reading…