In the Fall of 2013 when I decided to write a book about boundaries for partners, I began with an outline that became Moving Beyond Betrayal, and decided to start a blog as a way to write the book. The blog was originally named Survival Strategies for Partners of Sex Addicts, and the first article… Continue Reading…
Life Can Only Be Found in the Present Moment
Over the past two weeks as most of us in the US have necessarily entered into various forms of shelter in place or stay at home conditions, life has become more simple, more immediate, and in many ways more intensely intimate. I’ve heard heart-warming stories from clients about closer connections with spouses and children, more… Continue Reading…
Healing Begins With You
I’ll get right to the point: emotional healing is an inside job. I know, because over the years I’ve experienced a multitude of emotional wounds — many self-inflicted, some having no obvious explanation, and some inflicted on me by another person’s unconsciousness or cruelty. Regardless of who or what was “at fault” for my pain,… Continue Reading…
An Open Letter to Betrayed Male Partners
First, I want to say “thank you” to all of you who have thanked me over the years for my work on behalf of betrayed partners. In the past year, I have become clearer about where I want to focus my efforts and who I want to serve, which is something I encourage every person… Continue Reading…
5 Ways to Deprive the Past of Oxygen
Discovering that you’ve been betrayed or deceived is devastating. Discovery is disorienting, and creates feelings of uncertainty about yourself, your spouse, and your life. To make sense of the new information you’ve received and to seek a sense of safety, some of the most common activities partners engage in immediately after discovery are: Searching phone… Continue Reading…
Do Unfaithful Spouses Deserve Respect?
Do unfaithful spouses deserve respect? If your immediate response is “Not a chance,” my mission is to change your mind in the few minutes it will take to read this article. Why? Because, as my mentor Pia Mellody is fond of saying: Respect is the minimum of love Yes, that’s right. Even when you’ve been… Continue Reading…
The Daily Transparency: A Tool for Rebuilding Trust
Every now and then a new tool for recovery and trust-building comes along, and I’m pleased to introduce you to one today! As you know, deception is one of the hallmarks of addictive behavior. And to make matters worse, if a person who struggles with addiction grew up in a family where lying and deception… Continue Reading…
Extreme Accountability
Have you ever committed to something but didn’t follow through? Did you promise something that you didn’t deliver? Have you ever told yourself, “I’m going to do _____________,” or “I’m going to stop doing ___________,” but you didn’t? Of course, we all have. And when we don’t follow through with a commitment–to ourselves or others—we… Continue Reading…
The Invisible Costs of Betrayal
Every betrayed partner knows that discovery, disclosure, and healing from chronic infidelity come at a cost. The shock, pain, and devastation of betrayal are immense, and their impact reverberates in every area of a partner’s life — including her physical health, her trust in her reality or thoughts, her emotional stability, and her spiritual life…. Continue Reading…
Is It Intuition or Paranoia?
A couple of months ago in one of my quarterly Clarity Circle Live Q&A Calls, a partner asked this excellent question: How do I know the difference between an intuition or paranoia? My husband is really trying, but I am struggling to trust him because he’s lied so well in the past … This partner… Continue Reading…
Your Roadmap for Healing [Part 2]
After my last post, It All Starts with Self-Care, a blog follower wanted to know whether a one-time affair is the same as sex addiction, and what to do when you’re facing an affair — what are the steps to take both individually and as a couple? I get questions like these all the time…. Continue Reading…
It All Starts With Self-Care
Thanks for your comments on the blog from my last post, Your Roadmap for Healing! Linda described so well what many betrayed partners experience as they search for answers at the beginning their journey: I am so grateful that you are setting forth the map to recovery in black and white. For me, I experienced… Continue Reading…