![The Invisible Trauma of Harvey Weinstein’s Victims [HuffPo]](https://i1.wp.com/vickitidwellpalmer.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/10/Weinstein.png?fit=300%2C300&ssl=1)
While horrific and shocking, the revelations of Harvey Weinstein’s chronic, decades-long harassment and sexual assault of women is no surprise to most women . . . Read the whole article on The Huffington Post. If you’d like to receive blog posts just as soon as they happen, enter your email address now in… Continue Reading…
Partners, Triggers & “Adult” Entertainment
Sexually oriented businesses are intensely triggering to betrayed partners. Seeing a massage parlor, adult bookstore, strip club, or so-called modeling studio can bring on a panic attack. Partners often intentionally avoid driving or walking by one of these business establishments to manage their anxiety. While it’s completely understandable and natural to be triggered when being… Continue Reading…
Accountability is Sexy
Do you remember the last time you told your spouse that something they did wasn’t working for you? Or maybe you made a request for a minor change of behavior (like spending more time connecting and less time on devices), and you got a less than positive response? Sadly, this is more the norm than… Continue Reading…
Protect Your Confidence—4 Ways
Sexual betrayal has a way of destroying—at least temporarily—a partner’s confidence. Confidence is defined as: The feeling or belief that one can rely on someone or something; firm trust. It’s interesting that confidence is related to trust. And in the case of self-confidence, that means you have the feeling or belief that you can rely… Continue Reading…
When an Affair Partner is a Co-Worker
Discovering that your spouse had an affair is painful enough. But finding out that the affair partner is a co-worker, supervisor, or employee can be doubly devastating. Imagine your spouse leaving each day to go to work, and the feelings of powerlessness—knowing that he will spend the majority of his day with a former affair… Continue Reading…
Negotiating Non-Negotiables [for Addicts] Part 2
![Negotiating Non-Negotiables [for Addicts] Part 2](https://i2.wp.com/vickitidwellpalmer.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/08/negotiate-non-negotiable.png?fit=300%2C300&ssl=1)
[Read Negotiating Non-Negotiables for Addicts Part 1 here.] Of all the topics I cover on my blog, non-negotiable boundaries tends to push the most buttons—for betrayed partners and unfaithful spouses alike. Betrayed partners sometimes mis-use non-negotiables to gain a sense of safety or control. Or they use them as a way to avoid the painful… Continue Reading…
Houston, we survived
There are truly no words to describe the devastation and heartache we’ve experienced here in Houston (and all over South Texas) in the past few days in the aftermath of Hurricane Harvey. I am a native Houstonian, and have lived in Houston my whole life. Needless to say—no hurricane or tropical storm ever came close… Continue Reading…
Strong in the Broken Places
There is a beautiful, ancient Japanese art where potters fix broken or cracked pottery by using lacquer dusted with gold, silver, or platinum. The process is called Kintsugi, which means “golden repair.” The intention behind Kintsugi is to draw attention to, and emphasize the breaks and imperfections of the piece rather than trying to cover… Continue Reading…
Negotiating Non-Negotiables [for Addicts]
Boundaries—the foundation of safety and protection—are vital to anyone who has survived betrayal trauma. And the most powerful boundaries are those that are non-negotiable. Non-negotiable boundaries are: Something you must have or something you can’t tolerate in order to stay in a relationship. Non-negotiable boundaries are relationship deal-breakers. Survivors of betrayal trauma are eager to establish… Continue Reading…
Weary . . . and Waiting
Partners, it is so easy to become weary. When you’re dealing with betrayal trauma and addiction, progress, recovery, and healing rarely happen as quickly and as smoothly as you’d like. Waiting for your spouse to establish sobriety, find a therapist, engage in 12-step work, or prepare a formal therapeutic disclosure can feel like it will never… Continue Reading…
Facing Fear
Fear—as an emotion— is part of everyday life. From mundane experiences like driving down the freeway, going to a dreaded medical appointment, or applying for a new job, the variety of experiences and situations that bring up fear are endless. Although uncomfortable, fear is a helpful emotion. Gavin de Becker wrote a wonderful book entitled… Continue Reading…
5 Reasons to Go on “No Contact”
For couples who want to overcome the devastating impact of chronic sexual betrayal or sex addiction, the goal is to heal, rebuild trust, and restore their relationship. It may seem counter-productive, or even harmful, for a couple who wants to rebuild their relationship to limit or stop having contact for a period of time. However,… Continue Reading…